My Virtual Girlfriend Review

Game Title: My Virtual Girlfriend
Release Date: May 12, 2010
Genre: RPG…kinda’
Developer: WET Productions, Inc.
Available Platforms: iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad OS 3.1.3 or later
Players: 1
MSRP: $2.99
ESRB Rating: 17+
Website: http://www.myvirtualgirlfriendgame.com

My Virtual Girlfriend or As I like to call it, the “yes dear” simulator.

When I found out that I was going to be doing a review of the iPhone game My Virtual Girlfriend by Unity I have to admit, my inner 14 year old said “oh yeah” fully expecting the title to be one where you score by….well….scoring.

Well that couldn’t be farther from the truth, anyone looking for that type of title, this isn’t the one.  The most erotic thing about the game is that if your Virtual Girlfriend is in a good enough mood, you might be able to convince her to do a “naughty dance” which is kind of like a cross between a sim character and the Ally McBeal baby.

MVG does has some very genuine insights for men however, basically, it presents you with a never ending series of annoying statements and questions and shows you how to properly answer them in a fashion that will make your “girlfriend” happy. Here’s a hint:  Apparently all girls like recycling. It also teaches you the important fact that even the slightest slip up, honest statement or bodily function will turn your VG from a attentive and happy partner into a snarky bitch.

At the start up you are tasked with going through the matchmaking section, this basically is the entering of traits for yourself that you want presented in the game, such as hair color, body type, whether you are funny, kind or sensitive as well as health and “bad boy”.  Then you get to the fun stuff, and by fun I mean, not so much.  You are allowed to rate the importance of certain traits in your virtual girlfriend such as naughty, healthy, affectionate, smart, caring, feminine and sexy.  Then you get to choose what type of physical traits you like, such as hair color (no red head option WTF) body type and complexion.  Once you are through that, the application then gives you three virtual girlfriends to choose from, details being their name, what they like and what they don’t like.   I’ve gone through various scenarios and settings and apparently everyone is into recycling and they all hate SUVs…..bummer.

From that point on, you are tasked with making the virtual girlfriend happy.  Which is as easy as agreeing with just about everything they say no matter how stupid, even though I do believe that it is possible for us to see the end of war in our time.  You are given choices of activities and tasks and you are allowed to touch the girl (don’t press to hard….trust me).

You also are made to respond to your girlfriend’s never ending barrage of statements and questions, and they do have a habit of repeating themselves.  Your responses/reactions are provided by selecting icons representing agreement/disagreement/confusion/sorrow and disgust.  Depending on the statement the proper reply will make your virtual girlfriend happy or sad.  The happier you make her, the higher your level gets with 4 being the maximum level and representing love….ahhhhh love. Oh by the way, if after level 4 you wish to attempt to break up with your virtual girlfriend, you will wish there was a icon for a restraining order.

You are given the opportunity to take your virtual girlfriend out on dates or activities such as watching a documentary, playing video games (none of them like that), hiking etc.  Be warned some girls don’t like the same thing, such as those that don’t like skinny dipping will let you know by laughing at the effect cold water has on you.  You also can do things under the actions, which are other things you can do, some free, some not so much and some will let you earn money.  Then there is the touching option, and your gal will respond to where you touch her depending on the mood she is in…..just like the prom.

My impressions of the game itself are this:  MVG is mildly entertaining for about 25mins at which point  it begins  getting repetitive.  Graphics are pretty much early versions of the Sims.  The virtual girlfriends all talk with that same Sim voice that sounds like a mix between mandarin Chinese and the cantina scene from Star Wars.  It seems to be aimed at a target audience for young adults….young lonely lonely adults.  Replay value is somewhat limited after you have screwed around with your options a few times due to the same questions and statements eventually coming from each VG you choose as well as the same activity options.

Technically the game locks or crashes with a fair amount of consistency but you are able to start up from where you left off when you do restart the game.  There are also some small typos.  And by small I mean, whenever you level up you apparently “recheach” a new level….

If you are looking for something a little more “adult” in nature, this isn’t the title for you.

If you want something to play that will annoy your real world girlfriend, this one will do the trick.  But for a $2.99  download price, it just doesn’t seem worth it to this reviewer.

I dated a virtual girlfriend for 189 days straight and I didn’t even get to virtual 2nd base, wow this really was like the prom.

I give My Virtual Girlfriend a rating of 2.5 doses of Valtrex out of 5.

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